Thursday, October 29, 2009
sorrie!!!
im damn sorry i've been MIA-ing for so long.... perhaps it would be a good idea if i sign up to twitter and link it up to my blog?
but now say also tock cock sing song only, where got time to do all these?
omg i've still got lit essay, geog project, and theatre production (which will span until reading week)
how to revise like that? and my readings are behind for 1 month already i think omggg.
omg omg omg omg omggggggggggggggggggggggggggi is very scared!btw, thanks girls for all your tags there.... so touched *sobs*
Clara
Thursday, October 01, 2009
wandering...
i didnt do well for lit. the fact that it is bell-curve and all. I dont get what the are saying in lit. we are on different wavelengths. either that or i am completely off-track. but it wasnt like that in 0731 lit. maybe ive become.... more stupid?
i know thats not positive but im feeling scared and sad now. i wish im rich enough not to get THAT THING just so i can graduate without being in debt. now i feel.... like ive got expectations to live up and i dont know whether im up to it.
theatre test today was horrible. i worked so hard for it, only to end up... forgetting everything that i've learnt. i think im not using the right strategies, im not focusing well.
with my first icebreaker speech next week and monologue ive got to do for theatre pract test.. not to mention the critique that i still dont have any idea how to do... soci test... SE assignment, geo assignments, two lit assignments, phy geog lab work coming up.... then after that it will be exams.
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I dreamt of the days
of
listening to the ships
of
smelling the salty sea
giggling
runnng home
walking
along the tracks
by the field of grass
on that crowded bus
across that overhead bridge
now it is just not there
the grass patch
stripped bare
the sea-view
blocked
sometimes
i see the shadows falling across the sun
the sun burning my skin
i seek to
walk past the beaten tracks again
the familiar route
filled with anguish, tears,
happy memories.
now i just cant find it anymore
not the tracks
not there
not anymore
Clara
Saturday, September 26, 2009
when it rains...
I've always thought that there's this, whole BIG gang of us, all from the same good, old cheena pok school... after looking at this photo, i realised that its only the 7 of us who shared the same geog experience back in ny...
i would be sitting in geog lectures, week by week, gasping and at the same time lamenting about how fast time flies... thinking about how, barely a ear ago, i was still sitting in ny's LT laughing at mr ng & morbid or chasing mr ng for consultations...
but most of the time, i would be fretting, and worrying about how fast they are going through the stuff there, and that i could barely catch up with the curriculum..
And there, at the lectures, i will be sitting with the ny geog-gers. Why them? why not just sit with the ... i dont know... other new ''friends?'' ... i dont know, it might just be that.. i felt comfortable with them... although i dont know most of them
that well . Heck, for the first year in cheenapoksch i didnt even realise some of them EXIST.. . to think that we are sitting in the same lt and even the same tutorial room...
or rather, i just think that the rest of the new ''friends'' are too smart. (not that the ny ppl are not smart, thay are, but not in such a scary manner).
It rained, during the fieldtrip. ''it only rained for a total of FIVE minues for the past years!" the prof was saying.
And the cheenapokpeople thought that its our fault. It always rained during our past fieldtrips. and we never fail getting drenched, despite bringing our brollies with us. (and it rained during tutorials too.. remember?)
And i was wondering, how was it like, when the prof took my teachers out for similar fieldtrips years ago? and crooked was just telling me days ago that he went for this fieldtrip when he was a freshman...
but how could they even survive... four years ... in this school?
my virgin recess week passed just like that. with tons of work still untouched.
how will i ever survive?
Clara
Friday, September 11, 2009
lagging behind
omg. everything's just so depressing i dont know what to do. im behind the readings for like the 1000th time.
arh there's just so msny things to be done .
Clara
Saturday, August 29, 2009
How your body clock ticks
I've been haveing false delusions lately.
Like more than one month ago, i kept on having the feeling that it was christmas...
And these few weeks, i kept on thinking that its chinese new year.
I used to think that its due to the weather.. but having had an epiphany just now(or a few days ago, i cant remember, i think i cant make sense of time anymore) ... i finally realised that its because of the new school term starting in august, instead of janurary.
You see, having been in the traditional singapore education system for like, what, more than 10 years where school starts at janurary every single year.. . ive gotten into the habit of thinking that
THE MONTH BEFORE SCHOOL = WINDY WEATHER = CHRISTMAS. And also
NOT LONG AFTER SCHOOL REOPENS = WEATHER STILL WINDY = CHINESE NEW YEAR.weird not?
And anyway, i feel weird blogging here cos there're no interactions between me and the readers anymore. But i shalt keep blogging anyway, its a great way to reflect.
Made a visit to ny yesterday. Tentatively on monday, for teachers day you see... but turned out that its easier to sync the timing for everyone on friday. BUT then again, it turned out that only a few of us went.
Its always nice to go back there. Its funny to think that some two years ago, i would
NEVER, NEVER have thought that i will feel so at home at ny, or even be close to the teachers there.
Of course my interaction with the teachers are at a different level from that of the teachers in prison. in cheenapoksch its more of an , affectionate level.. while in prison we're so close i know whats happening in the staffroom, the politics and so-on. While waiting for a teacher at cheenapoksch yesterday and seeing him sort of troubled but showing none of that when he was talking to us, it dawned on me that i havent go a single clue on whats happening in the staffroom. like do they even have politics there? i bet so- but what?
anyway, i know i cant keep on going back, i have to learn to be independent... and i occured to me that i dont know when will i be visiting them again... next year? maybe.. or not.
School is getting better i think.. having had my first tutorials ... i have to take charge of my own life and stip blaming. i willl make my way round the timetables.
im still behind my readings and feeling stupid and stuff.. but still...
if it is meant to be, it is up to me.
Clara
Friday, August 21, 2009
it has been a hell of a week...
getting rejected by a cca. first time in my whole life i am rejected, something pertaining to speaking somemore. but i am not devastated or anything. i might not fit in anyway.. it is just not me.
out of my 5 modules , i was only offered 1 of my desired choice. tough luck.
things might not be going my way for the past two weeks, but im going to keep holding on and hanging-in there.
went to toastmasters..
and tonight went for this monologue..''salusuah'' very intimate, very deep, very intriguing. Went with this friend of mine whom i first met in jc pae... didnt keep in contact with her but did so now, cos of theatre.. isnt fate such a funny thing?
Being in a new school makes me think of when i was in secondary 1, with 4 whole years of exciting, albeit unknown stuff going to unfold and happen before me. Seemingly, i was less terrified of whats before me... now im having so much doubt its turning unhealthy...The parallel to secondary school is perhaps the things that u've gotta plan for 4 years, rather than 2 years in jc. . . in secondary school i was like a warrior, charging and fighting for every opportunities that comes, or even did not cross my path.Perhaps when you're older you get more timid.Or im losing steam and slowing down, getting tired.There is no doubt that i grew and learnt alot during secondary school... i showed so much determination that it scares me sometimes, when i looked back in awe.Now it is time for me to pick all these up, and more... so that i can have a fruitful time during my undergrad year.courage is all i need.
Clara
Sunday, August 16, 2009
apparently blogger is having some problems?
first week in uni is like, omg. I was overwhelmed in many aspects. the subjects requirements, CCA, time in which i'll be spending alone due to different timetables with friends, missing uniforms, buying books,bumping into primary school mates, embarrassing myself, taking forever to travel thru-and -fro.
i have totally no idea how to finish all the readings within required time. NOT TO MENTION the understanding part.
tutorial balloting is like wth also.
omg,why the hell do people say uni life will be a breeze?
i guess what i'll have to do now is to keep holding on and perservere.
somehow, not getting mails from office about TA updates are sort of weird? gah.
Clara
